Introduction
As adults, we often rely on words to express our thoughts and feelings. But for children -especially young ones or those facing emotional challenges -words aren’t always enough. This is where behaviour steps in, becoming their primary language. At The Bird’s Nest Consultancy, we believe that every action has a meaning, and by understanding behaviour as communication, we can better support our children in navigating their world.
What Does Behaviour as Communication Mean?
Behaviour as communication is the idea that children use actions to express feelings, needs, or experiences that they can’t yet articulate verbally. For instance, a child who lashes out in frustration or withdraws from social interactions might be telling us more than just, “I’m angry” or “I’m sad.” They could be expressing fear, anxiety, confusion, or unmet needs.
It’s important to remember that there is no such thing as a ‘naughty’ child. What we see on the outside - tantrums, defiance, silence - is often a reflection of something deeper happening inside.
Reading the Signals: Common Behaviours and Their Potential Meanings
Every child is unique, and their behaviour will be influenced by their personality, experiences, and environment. However, there are some common behaviours that can point towards specific emotional needs:
Aggression (hitting, biting, shouting) While aggression is often labelled as ‘bad behaviour,’ it can be a sign of overwhelming frustration, fear, or the feeling of not being understood. A child might lash out when they don’t have the words to say, “I need help.”
Withdrawing or Avoiding Activities If a child consistently hides, avoids tasks, or disengages from social situations, it may signal feelings of inadequacy or anxiety. They could be telling us that they’re overwhelmed or don’t feel safe in certain environments.
Repetitive Actions (rocking, fidgeting) Repetitive behaviours can be self-soothing for children who are struggling to regulate their emotions. These actions may communicate stress, sensory overload, or a need for routine and predictability.
Refusal to Follow Instructions Defiance isn’t always about disobedience. It can be a child’s way of exerting control when they feel powerless. They may need reassurance, choice, or a different way of engaging with the task.
How We Can Respond: Turning Challenges into Connection
At The Bird’s Nest Consultancy, we approach these behaviours with empathy and curiosity, not punishment or judgement. When we start to look beyond the surface and ask ourselves, “What is this behaviour telling me?” we open the door to understanding and connection.
Tips for Supporting Your Fledgling’s Emotional Expression:
Pause and Observe: Before reacting to challenging behaviour, take a step back. Ask yourself, “What might my child be trying to communicate?” Is there a change in their routine, environment, or social setting that could be affecting them?
Acknowledge Their Feelings: Children need to know their emotions are valid. By acknowledging their feelings - “I can see that you’re really frustrated right now” - we help them feel seen and heard, which can reduce the intensity of their behaviour.
Create a Safe Space for Expression: Offer alternatives for emotional expression, such as drawing, playing with toys, or engaging in sensory play. Techniques like Drawing and Talking Therapy, which we offer at The Bird’s Nest Consultancy, give children the space to express themselves without needing to find the right words.
Model Calm and Empathy: Children learn by watching the adults around them. If we react with anger or frustration, they’re likely to mirror that. Instead, try to model calm responses, showing them how to manage strong emotions constructively.
Seek Professional Support if Needed: If you’re finding it challenging to decode your child’s behaviour or if it’s having a significant impact on their daily life, it may be time to seek support. Our therapeutic interventions - whether through play, drawing, or one-to-one sessions - are designed to help children process their emotions and find healthier ways to communicate.
Success Story: From Struggles to Success
Recently, we worked with a young girl whose lack of confidence was showing up in her behaviour at school. She would often act out, finding it difficult to manage tasks that felt overwhelming. Instead of focusing on her behaviour as a problem, we spent time identifying the root cause - her deep sense of self-doubt and fear of failure. Through patient support and building her self-esteem, she began to see her own strengths. In just a couple of weeks, her behaviour improved, and she’s been thriving in school with a renewed sense of confidence.
Conclusion
Understanding behaviour as communication shifts the way we respond to our fledglings. Rather than seeing a child’s actions as something to ‘fix,’ we can view them as a form of expression, a signal that they need our help to navigate the emotions they may not yet understand.
At The Bird’s Nest Consultancy, we’re here to support children and families in building those bridges of communication. If you’d like more information on how we can help, or if you have any concerns about your child’s behaviour, don’t hesitate to reach out.
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